The first 11 I started about half a year ago on facebook. Is it sad that I was never able to finish it? Or cool that I was out doing too many SUPER cool things to finish it?

1. This will be a slow process because it takes me a long time to write something when I try. usually writing comes when I’m super tired or bored. But usually when I’m super tired, I delete it because i’m paranoid i’m going to regret writing it the next day. right now i am bored. i am also in class. these two facts often go hand in hand.

2. i have a super power: the power to completely tune out any person while they are speaking. however, i am still struggling to control this power. especially in class.

3. arizona green tea is money.

4. i have an innate fear of barber shops/hair cutteries. that is, i get extremely nervous when i get hair cuts. why? because i always have this horrifying fear that shop will catch fire and everyone, particularly myself, will run out of the shop with a ridiculous half head of hair and it will be utterly embarrassing until it gets fixed.

5. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mad scientist when i grew up. not just a scientist… a MAD scientist. why? because i wanted to have my hair stand straight up. my parents encouraged it so i would study hard in school. of course, i soon discovered that i could do the hair thing with gel and did not have to actually succeed in life to get my hair to stand straight up.

6. my 5 desert island books: C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, Michael Crichton’s Jurrasic Park, Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings (Return of the King if I’m not allowed to bring the massive 3-in-one edition), some field survival book and last but not least, Twilight…. to burn. stupid edward…

7. my favorite form of in class entertainment is this little game i devised: I read fmylife.com during class and try to see if i can make it without laughing out loud in front of the professor. so far, me – 0, fmylife – 11

8. there are a few things that make me genuinely excited about life: 1) God, 2) new camping/hiking gear, 3) a fresh notebook and a good pen, 4) marriage

9. i love those kids cartoons with slightly asian spin and lots of humor. namely i’m thinking of teen titans and avatar. my sister think it ridiculous but i could watch those shows allllllll day.

10. Dwight Schrute Liz Lemon(/Tina Fey) is the funniest person I wish I knew.

11. When I am bored, I sometimes play this chess game on my computer. Usually I lose. When it is late at night and I’m looking for something to put me to sleep, I also sometimes play this chess game. Then, I usually win. Interesting…. and… we’re back!

12) I like SYTYCD. I wish there was a show called IWICD (I Wish I Could Dance). I don’t know what it would be about, but I would definitely be on it.

13) Work sucks. I should  be grateful that I even have a job. But in reality, I’d rather just  be playing Nintendo Wii. Hollerrrrrrrrrr. Exception: If i was working at my ideal job (see 18)

14) I get really really dark sometimes. When I cut my hair short and don’t shave for a few days, people often think I just crossed the border (illegally). My mom calls me a “hai ren.”

15) I’ve developed a taste for Brewery and Taphouses. Correction: I’ve developed a taste for bar food. Clarification: I’ve developed a taste for burgers, nachos, sandwiches, fries and other types of deliciously greasy food served at alcoholic joints. But I’m still waiting for that “acquired taste” for beer to kick in.  Actually I think it’s kicked in for pale ales and alcoholic ciders. I’m just weak sauce.

16) Emoticons express emotions better than i do. except for frustration. I show that one pretty well.

17) 30 rock is fun!

18) my ideal occupation would be a pokemon trainer

19) If I could be any animal in the world, I’d be a panda. Why? cuz they’re so gangsta. What? Haven’t you heard the joke? Okay, so a panda walks into a restaurant. Itorders its food, and eats it. Upon finishing its meal, it whips out a pistol and shoots the waiter dead. Then it calmly proceeds to walk out the door. The host at the door is shocked and gasps at the panda as it walks out, “What was that for?!” The Panda almost rolls its eyes as it says, “I’m a panda, it’s what I do. Look it up.” The host looks it up and sure enough, in the dictionary it says “Panda – noun: Black and white marsupial. Eats shoots and leaves.”

20) I’m really bad at writing at will. when there’s the slightest hint of pressure, I get completely turned off of writing. That’s probably why it took so long for me to finish this. Oh wait, i already said this.

21) I like to pretend like I know how to cook

22) I feel like I’m a lot smarter than people give me credit for. As in, I think I give a lot of good, learned, and well-thought out advice, but people don’t take me seriously. For example, Sharon. Maybe I’m just too good looking to be taken seriously.

23) My most recent obsession has been a Shun Elite Utility and Santoku Knife. Droooooooooooooooooool. I don’t know what I would use it for though. Decoration? Combat? definitely not cooking…

24) I used to think that if I could have super powers, i would have the one that allowed me to absorb other people’s. Then I realized that super powers don’t actually exist, so my power would be useless. and non-existent. Yeah, I’d just like to talk to animals or teleport.

25) I try hard to be a good son. I try harder to be a good brother. I try hardest to be a good future husband. But in the end, only Jesus makes any of my efforts worth anything. I think that’s the most honest statement in this entry.

DONE. FINALLY.

So I’ve been waiting for a good time to go public with this blog. At least officially. I know I didn’t want to reveal it right after graduation, because then it would have made it seem like I was one of the other hundred people who jumped on the wordpress bandwagon at the same time (not that I’m judging anyone else! Okay, maybe I am… heh). Other than that, I don’t really know why I kept it a secret for so long, but I think it’s about that time.

In all honesty, I started this around the time I saw read Joash’s first few blogs on his wordpress (http://oshkoshjoash.wordpress.com/), which is when I realized the first exodus to wordpress. I made an account then, but stuck more with Xanga. Actually, I made several accounts under different names, most of them dumb but romantically suave. Eventually, I stuck with my familiar.

Dan, a more recent migrant to wordpress (http://dansponderings.wordpress.com/), just realized today that chautime is a play on “chow time” and references to food, which I eat in great quantities. While this is one of my intended interpretations of “chautime” my main theme was a time devoted to me, or at least my thoughts, most of which are selfish and take the form of ridiculously run-on sentences and lack proper grammatical structure, capitalization and often sense.

Some of my thoughts are strange, embarrassing, insightful, narrow minded, and/or some combination of these, and more. I am determined, however, not to delete any of my postings because I don’t want to have to hide what I’ve ever said. In my opinion, there is only so much you can take back in life. I believe it is more productive to see the whole story, and the evolution of character. My hope is that I can follow and learn from my own growth, as much as I can determine, from this blog. That way, if I become some super rich and awesome person in the future, I, and others, will be able to read how. On the other hand, if, God forbid, I become some psycho criminal, this will serve as a record of how that came about as well. Realistically however, this will probably turn into some personal memoir of an life average to the average reader, but special to those who are special to me.

Growing up, in a way, I always looked forward to working life. After my first week of it, I realize now that I was a seriously misguided child.

I think I’m terrified of falling into that pattern of work, eat, sleep, repeat. To me, that’s a waste of life, which I believe needs to mean something.I want to skip to the part where I have a family that I come home to. Not an empty room in a house. But hey, that would be a waste of life to skip that far, right?

Anyways, it hasn’t been that bad. In my first week of work, I didn’t eat a single home cooked meal. I went to Subway 3 times, Five Guys once, Potbelly’s twice, Hard Times Cafe, and I forget what else. Also, for breakfast of my first day of work, I ate cereal out of a mixing bowl with a measuring cup, because I hadn’t unpacked any diningware, and failed to bring any silverware from home. Now, however, I have a complete set of plastic cutlery, courtesy of potbelly’s. Other than that, work has been fine. Simple work so far, but we’ll see what happens in Real Life Week 2!

Hello!

This is my first blog from my new home in College Park Maryland, where I will be spending most of my free time (6pm-7am, Monday-Thursday). It’s a rather expensive home, but it will have to do for now. Now, I teeter on the edge of post-college person and working professional… the difference being that I will start working full time, and no longer bum. As much anyways.

My new home is a 10 x 12 room in a 3 story house in college park (supposedly the safest place in PG county). I’m trying to live simply, by having as little as possible, but we’ll see how that goes. I’m a hoarder of many things that seem useful. The other tenants here seem nice, except I had a traumatic encounter with one of them, involving the bathroom…

My new job is with AB Consultants, Inc., located in Lanham, MD. My position… staff engineer of somesort (geotechnical, technically). I actually started last Thursday, two work days ahead of my original date (tomorrow), so I already have kind of a feel for the environment. Except not really. I’ve just been doing data entry work.

But life is an adventure and, more or less, I’m ready to embark on the next journey.

Hi everyone!

It’s been several weeks now, but congratulations to those of you who have graduated, and those of you who will soon! You all have worked hard (or not :p) to get here, and deserve every bit of accomplishment you feel. I felt compelled to send one last email to everyone before they embark on the rest of their lives, not because I feel empowered to, but mostly out of sentiment and gratitude.

In light of recent events, I’ve found myself often wondering, “Where do I go from here? What will happen to my friendships? To my dreams? To all these UVA shirts and little cups and gizmos that imbibe so many memories. Will I ever see them or know them in the same way ever again?” I wonder if you all have thought about this too, but I speak for myself right now: for all the time I’ve spent at UVA, my purpose has been clear: graduate. Get a job. Make money. But mostly just graduate. Of course, hopefully in the midst of this, God will be glorified. Now that I have graduated, and found a job, I wonder… where do I go from here? Like… what is my purpose in life now? A lifetime of work…? Boo! So instead of thinking about the future, I’ve been dwelling a lot in the past. I constantly find myself wondering about everything I’ve done up till now. Did I make the best decisions? Do I have any regrets? Should I have done something different? (I ask myself a lot of questions) Was it all worth it?

Of course I made mistakes. Of course I have regrets. Of course I wonder if I should have pursued film instead of engineering. But man, standing here, on the other side… it sure feels good. In a way, I’m proud of myself and happy with where I am. I hope all of you are too. In short, if you ever find yourselves lost where I am/was, asking “where do I go from here?” I urge you all to keep on being awesome, like you were as I knew you in college.

I encourage you all to continue to pursue the dreams you dreamed when you were a child. I urge you to continue the passions you developed in school and over the years. That is, keep on singing, playing guitar or whatever other musically inclined talent you own, running, swimming, and other sports/activities to keep up your health, and working towards humanitarian rights in Africa, North Korea, China, South America, etc to better the world. Don’t let other people tell you get too old for things. The impact you have been able to make in college will be much greater now that you’ve graduated. Let your life be dedicated to ease the sufferings of others. Don’t let other people tell you that you’re too busy for things. Most importantly, I urge you to please, please, please not lose touch with the amazing friends you’ve made in these years, especially if I am privileged enough to be one of them. Don’t let other people tell you it’s too hard to keep up when you get older. In plain, don’t let other people tell you what life is supposed to be like. Pursue your own dreams and desires. No two people will dream the same thing because dreams belong to the individual Don’t let other people take away, or diminish your dreams. If you listen to them, what’s the point of living for yourself?

For all the time you have spent at UVA, I hope your purpose has been more or less clear. Whether that purpose has been to glorify God, or to graduate, or whatever, let that continue to guide you. But if you find yourself falling away, or having fallen away from God, I also urge you to be patient. It is easy to blame or misinterpret God. It is a lifetime’s accomplishment to give all credit to Him. Undoubtedly, we will all have good times and bad. Not every one of us will win the lottery (though if you do, yo! Hook it up!). Most of us will struggle through family hardships and losses, job and financial struggles, friendships and eventually the boisterous beings known as children. But only the hardest things in life are the ones worth the work.

For many people, they know what they will be doing next year. For others, the immediate future is more open to adventure. Regardless, in my mind, I think there is a limit to how far into the future you can plan. Even if things are seem stable now, it is not necessarily. There are things in life that we simply cannot control. In reality, we can’t even control for certain what will happen 10 seconds from now. You never know when life will take or be taken from you. Things may seem hopeless at times, but if you can use those 10 seconds to look back at your life, and just entertain the belief that maybe those things weren’t coincidence, maybe they were all divinely orchestrated, I think you will find great comfort. This is my plea for you all to believe that God works, if you just listen and look. This is my plea for you all to believe that He is there. Ultimately, I hope we all can one day see and find our purposes in life aligned with that which God has prepared us for.

I wish you all the best: in your career, in your relationships, in your beliefs, and just in life. Be safe. Be happy. Be Blessed. Thanks for reading all, or most, of my emails. Even though I complain a lot, it’s truly been a pleasure knowing and emailing each and every one of you. Even more privileged have I been for knowing you all in the capacities I have. Hopefully we have more good memories than bad. Hopefully the encounters we’ve had will not be the last.

In Christ,

Eric Chau

Wahoowah 2009!

It seems appropriate to blog about graduating, now that its been a several days after graduation and ive stopped being as emo.

A few months ago, when I thought about graduation, I saw it as the exciting next step into a world of possibilities. Now that I am in that “next step,” all I can think about are the steps that brought me here. I could probably let the world pass me by as i sit in my memories. But most people know the danger of letting me think too much and for too long.

Leaving college is like watching the final movie or reading the last book in a long but truly great series. Basically, bittersweet. I am entirely happy with how the events of the process unfolded, and elated at the ending. But dang, do I wish there was more to come. But, like every great series can be ruined by the sequels that come, (e.g. the next karate kid) overstaying my welcome at UVA would undoubtedly be disastrous.

I guess the bottom line is: It’s been great. Really. But, as hard as it is, it’s time to move on.

Wahoowah!

So I’ve been thinking about our Servant’s frisbee tournament, particularly the turnout of results for my team. I’m not particularly perturbed by our performance. we lost fair and square, nothing wrong with that. What I am disturbed by is that attitude that everyone treated our team with, at least during the UVA A vs UVA B game. From the start the season, I intended to make it clear that both teams would be and were very well rounded. Somehow, the notion that B meant underdog surfaced (maybe from my own trash talking). Nevertheless, it ended up being that my team (the A team) was something of the “villain” in the intra-uva game. To me, this was one of the greatest insults I have ever recieved, and the most i’ve been hurt by the body of gcf.

What do I mean? basically, i felt like all the spectators (naturally all gcf people) were rooting for the B team. that’s fine. BUT, specifically, they seemed to root JUST for the B team. I guess this shouldn’t really bother me, because I <3 my team, BUT it was insulting because our team played in Intramurals for 5 weeks before… and we had like 3 spectators. it wasn’t that it wasn’t advertised, it just seemed to be nobody cared enough. Now suddenly we play against another team from our same fellowship and we have 20 spectators…. AGAINST us. The more and more we played, the times we dropped the disc and they cheered, the times they scored and they cheered, the times we scored and there was silence or dissapointment from the sidelines… they just drove my attitude deeper and deeper into the negativity. By the end of the game i was incredibly frustrated because I just wanted to make plays that would shut them all up. the fact that we lost didn’t anger me. the fact that the entire season we played frisbee for IMs and we were neglected did. The fact that we were not part of the fellowship for that game did.

I dunno, I don’t really have anything more to say.

I’ve been wanting to write for a while, but everything I’ve been thinking of has pretty much been very negative. Still, it hasn’t gone away, so maybe it deserves some attention.

Lately, I have been incredibly bitter. Bitter at many of my friends. Bitter at GCF. Almost bitter at God, but not quite. One of the reasons why I didn’t say anything at the fourth year banquet was to hold all that bitterness back. Why have I felt so bitter? For starters, I feel like I’ve been let down in a lot of ways. Yes, it’s true that I have many good friends, specifically two or three that are always there for me. Disappointingly (probably more because of my ridiculous expecations than anyone else’s actual fault), I feel like everyone else has let me down. Either neglected me, shafted me or is just flat out annoyed at me for reasons unknown/uncomprehensible to me. Maybe it’s because its the end that I’m thinking like this, but when i think back on GCF and my time here.. I’ve only gained one or two great friends and hurt by many others. Namely, when i served as President, I felt  incredibly lonely at times. When I tried to figure out why I still went to GCF, there were many reasons (too shy to go to Portico, too involved to turn my back on it, etc.), but I think it came down to that I came for God, not people. I bailed out asap after chapel and large groups because i didn’t want to talk about shallow things to shallow people. I guess that’s unfair, they’re probably not shallow people. Just with me. Seriously, sometimes I felt like everyone turned their back on me and went on to be friends with each other. woe is me.

Well, I have recovered (or am in the process of recovering) to my state of Be-the-nice-guy-that-everyone-takes-for-granted, aka theshield for the I-Don’t-Give-A-Crap attitude. despite this, I do have some nice things to say. Sorta.

I’m a jealous person in general. I get very envious, but usually its about material possessions. More about “I want his car,” or “xbox,” or “money,” etc. I don’t really think “Oh, I wish I was him/her. I think I’m usually pretty happy with my own personality. Recently, however this has been changing. Again, maybe it’s because its near the end. And i realize now that I am incredibly vain, because while i don’t wish I was someone else, I secretly want people to think “Oh, I wish I was (more like) Eric.”  ridiculous! Maybe its my vanity that causes my pain, because I’m kinda sad that people aren’t like this. They’re more like “Oh, I wish I was more like ______” where _______ refers, usually, to one of the other guys in my class. And I really can’t blame them. If college has taught me one thing, and even if I am bitter at people, it has taught me the secret art of having brothers. Particularly the ones that make up “my class” (at GCF). I myself find myself often in the position wishing
Dang, I wish I was more like _______ because he’s so popular, laid back, young, funny, everybody thinks he’s funny and good looking, carefree, easy going, and still smart. people listen to him because everybody likes him.
or ______ because he’s good at everything musical plus cooking. he’s smart, creative and passionate and he’s got an independence I wish I could just take a part of.
or ______ because he’s got the heart that i wish I had: A servant’s heart that never complains, does anything out of kindness, not to rack up favor points, and genuinely cares and tries hard, and is mature to be able to associate easily with all people older than him.
or ______ because on the outside he’s got the tough guy down pat, but on the inside he’s a softie and everyone digs it. plus he has admirable integrity that is rarer than a panda in my backyard.
or ______ because he’s so freaking funny and everybody likes him because he’s so smooth.
or even _______ because he took a risk, committed to it and came out happier with who he is than I am with myself.

Yeah, I just (tried) to describe all the brothers in my class. even though my experience with GCF has not always been sunshine, rainbows and butterflies, it has been a blessing to have know the guys i did. they’ve all taught me a little something about life and i’m a little bit of a better person for them. other than yuhjahchingu, i’ll probably miss them the most.

God’s First Mission

from Max Lucado’s In the Grips of Grace:

Creation is God’s first missionary. There are those who never held a Bible or heard a scripture. There are those who die before a translator puts God’s word in their tongue. there are millions who lived in ancient times before Christ or live in distant lands far from Christians. there are the simple-minded who are incapable of understanding the gospel. What does the future hold for the person who never hears of God?
Again, Paul’s answer is clear. The human heart can know God through the handiwork of nature. if that is all one ever sees, that is enough. One need only respond to what he is given. And if he is given only the testimony of creation, then he has enough.
The problem is not that God hasn’t spoken but that we haven’t listened…

I liked this passage a lot. enough to write a xanga entry about it at least. I never really knew an explanation for the fate of those who never have a chance to hear the gospel. Lucado’s reasoning makes sense to me. At least for me, i am always mezmorized by nature. Mountains, oceans, pretty waterfalls, rainbows and butterflies… you get the point. I’d like to say that if i had been born in the Zhuang province of China, where 75% of people know no concept of God, I could find Him through nature. maybe that would work for some people. but i doubt it. The way I see it, sin has infiltrated, unfortunately, the depths of humanity where the gospel has not. Many civilizations were probably started by fleeing from tyrants. Though they start anew, they already know of sin, and are able to replicate it. And unfortunately it is replicated. Nowhere on earth is a human free from jealousy, murder, stealing, deciet, greed, etc. therefore it stands to reason that no matter where you are on earth, whether you are known to the rest of mankind or if you know the rest of mankind or not, sin has already infiltrated. For example, there was big hype this summer because a tribe of people were found in the Amazon, who were never known to have existed before. Even though they’re oblivious to the modern world, they were formed with knowledge of sin. because of sin, and we know that because of sin, we are unable to listen and fully appreciate God and his workings in our lives. It is even more unfortunate for these unreached people, because they are living with sin, and with no hope or even knowledge of hope for a way out. So while it may be possible for someone to come to know God through nature, these days (for sure), no human knows how to listen to God without other human or divine intervention. This leads to my final point. Though, through my reasoning, we can point fingers at our ancestors, it does not release us from responsibility. i’m a fan of Kant’s theories of Duty Ethics – where every human has obligations and morals that should compell one to help another. Similar to how I believe the wealthy have an inherent duty to help the less fortunate, I believe Christians have a God-centered duty to spread His love. This is the importance of missions!

Okay I am done. Go out there and share love!

i think more and more recently I’ve been realizing that I really am just another person. What do I do that makes me special? I used to be president of a Christian Fellowship. I used to be really into video making and film. I used to be really good looking (or maybe I still am, or never was… more likely I’m just full of myself). I used to be really into ultimate. I used to chase my dreams. But what am I now? Just another guy? Just another Chinese American Engineer, classified into statistics and numbers and stereotypes? Where has my uniqueness gone? Where has my passion for life gone?

Everyone knows that the majority of people don’t keep their new year’s resolution. Sometimes they set their bars too high, sometimes they lack discipline. Who knows the intricacies of the complications that arise to form excuses? Not I. I just know that year after year, i join the faceless statistics that have defined what has caused me to realize my insignificance – that the things I do (particularly the ways I fail) keep putting me into statistics and further dissolve the uniqueness of my identity.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Okay, I know what I ultimately want to do with my life, but I don’t know what I want to do until I get there. This year, I’m looking for a job. I’ve sent at least 3 dozen applications out and heard back from zero. That’s like… super WTF! I’m special too! Why can’t I even be considered? Just give me a chance to prove to you that I can. Sure the economy is bad… sure I can find a job at Mickey D’s… but what happened to my dreams?! my ambitions?! Where does all this fall into the master plan?

I guess what it comes down to is that I’ve been a little lost with God recently. I can’t ever remember being so far away from Him. My prayers are empty, my heart is failing. Church is a cumbersome obligation. Perhaps my faith is dying in a way. I know there is a God. I know He loves me. I know that He will watch over and provide for me. But I don’t know if I will be happy. I don’t know if I can trust like I did before, when the path ahead of me is so unknown.

It’s time to take the plunge. Someone needs to  push me.

Possible Paths for the immediate future:
Find a Job in the US
Civil Engineering
USPTO
US Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer (as inspired by The Guardian – starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher)

Find a Job in China
Civil Engineering
Peace Core
Missions in China
Drop everything and go to film school

Dear God,

Inspire me. My life is dedicated to ease the suffering of Your children. Give me the courage to step out of my cowardice and take a hold of the hand You have extended.  Help me to see where you are working. Rekindle the fire within me. Rekindle the love my love for you.

In your Son’s Precious Name,

Amen